Adjusting Expectations

Growing up I had an excellent example of a marriage and family.  My Dad was a strong man.  He provided for his family, financially and emotionally.  My Mom was an amazing woman.  She took care of her home, her children, and her man.  They weren't perfect and they didn't expect perfection from us.

My Dad took care of all the manly things; i.e. garbage, yard, cars, pests, putting together bunk beds, etc.  My Mom took care of the inside things; i.e. laundry, cleaning, sewing, cooking, schooling, etc.  My Dad was in the military, so there were times my Mom had to do take care of everything.  I never remember her talking badly or being bitter about it.  We were always told that Dad was taking care of his family, that was his priority.  We knew that he loved us.

Even though he would be gone for weeks, months, or even a year at a time; we were always in his heart and thoughts.  When my Dad was home, he was home.  He wasn't watching the game somewhere, out with his buddies, or spending the day away from his family.  I'm not sure if this was because he was gone so much or because he didn't really want to be anywhere else but with his family.   I did acquire my love of football from him.  Somehow through the chaos of five children, he still had the game on and was watching it any chance he got.

My parents were always united.  They had their disagreements, but at the end of the day they both had the same goal and purpose.  When they did fight, my Mom was usually the vocal one.  She would be upset and my Dad would always let her get everything "off her chest".  My Dad would just hug her after she was done and everything was fine.  My parent's showed us that a good relationship did not mean there were no fights, disagreements, or trials.

They showed us that a relationship is made of two imperfect, flawed people.  They instilled in us that family is first.  We don't have drama in our family because it will not be tolerated on any level.  They would cut off any extended family member or friend at the slight hint of drama.

Being blessed with this great example of a relationship and the different roles each person played, I have developed very deep rooted expectations of what a "good" relationship should be.  I come from a long line of hard headed first born woman.  My Dad knew how to handle my Mom.  My Grandfather knew how to handle my Grandmother.  On my Dad's side of the family, the women swung the cast iron skillet if the men didn't listen.   So I get my stubbornness equally from both sides.

In the past, I did not focus on the flaws of my expectations.  No one has made it worth the time in self reflection.  That is not the case anymore.  Anthony Robbins has a saying "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten".  I don't want the same type of relationship I have had before.  I want a relationship like my parents.  I realize that takes a lot of work and realignment of my expecations.  I am willing to put the work into that.  My only problem is I don't know where to start or what to do. 

I'd like to believe it was the generation they were raised in or the place of their marriage, that has made my parents who they are.  But it isn't either.  Who they are is what has made their marriage work.  Awareness is the first step to solving any problem.  So I guess I'm headed down the right path.